thinking back
I’m feeling nostalgic this evening.
Listening to all my old favs from around 2021-22’. Thinking about old characters I used to obsess over because I had enough free time to be creative. I would’ve been 18 to 19 at the time.
Lately I’ve been thinking about my age a lot. I’m 23 years old, soon to be 24 next year and I’m just mind-fucked at the concept of me being as old as I am. I’m getting closer to 30 every passing hour… and then 30 will turn into 40 which will turn into 50 and then 60 and … will I make it to 70?
I’m curious to know what my future looks like. Will I live in Pennsylvania with my boyfriend? How about New York? How soon will our first child come? Will I ever buy a house?
I talked to him the other day about moving out of state, and though the idea terrifies me, I think it’s what we both will have to do. At least we won’t do it alone!
I just can’t get it out of my head that I’ve been an established adult for 5 years now. My teenage and childhood years mean very little to me right now. I used to think that that time in my life was all that would ever matter in my world.
I cringe when people say they never believed they’d make it to however age they are, because our lives are not as bad as we feel it is, but I just never thought far ahead in my future to think about what I’ll be doing in my early 20s to mid 20s.
It’s like there wasn’t anything I should be looking forward to in particular. I just expected to always have the same people around and to do the same thing everyday. Everything that could change has changed in my life since then.
Now, I go to work, I come home and watch movies and play Elden Ring with my boyfriend. Sometimes I play fortnite if the timing is right, lol. What more am I expected to do right about now?
I hope when I'm older I'll look back at my life currently and feel just as nostalgic and sad as I do when I look back at when I was 19. I want to keep living, and I want to keep changing. To keep looking back at my life with the same fondness.
⌂